Changing damaging self dialogue

Self dialogue is basically what you tell yourself, or the way you think. For some of us, this inner voice is encouraging and optimistic. For others, it is self-deprecating and damaging. Each individual has a choice as to what they want to tell themselves.

Growing up, I thought I did not have a choice on what I told myself. I had developed my own belittling inner voice. I was very critical of every aspect of my self being. Over time, I had programmed myself into believing that I had no self-worth. This was all because of what I was telling myself. Then one day I realized that the only person that can hear what I think is me. I used to be ashamed of thinking I could be positive or successful. But I started realizing that there is no shame in thinking positive thoughts. With much practice, I have been able to change the way I think. This allows me to give myself positive reinforcement. It is an everyday battle. Some days, that inner voice is negative. Other days, I am my own support system. Nevertheless, with the right tools, I can usually give myself the support I need.

Awareness is the first part to changing the way you think. In order to change what you are telling yourself, you must first recognize what you are thinking. Although some of us may think that we are already aware of our thoughts, not every thought is usually on the surface of our mind. In order to fully change our internal dialogue, we must register every thought. A few ways to get these thoughts out would be: writing/typing a journal, a video journal, or a voice recording. No matter what way you record your thoughts, make sure to record ALL of them, bad or good. Also record what event occurred at the time you had the thought. This helps to identify which scenarios bring on certain thoughts.

Once you understand your thought patterns, you begin to recognize which thoughts are negative. Think of yourself in third person. Imagine saying the thoughts to someone with whom you cared deeply. Would you say those statements to this person? Why not? Would they hurt the person? If these thoughts would hurt another person, then you should not be thinking them about yourself. Recognition of these unhealthy thoughts gives clarity to healthy thoughts.

After you are aware of your thoughts and recognize the damaging idea, you then need to change the thought. At first this is not an easy task; especially if you have already had years of self-programming. However, if you can step back and think about it logically, it is really very simple. Each one of us has a choice for everything we do. If you have spent years programming yourself to think that you are worthless, that was your choice. Granted, there may have been an outside influence that started the idea. In any case, it was your choice to continue that idea. 

In regard to changing the thought, try to take small changes. Let's say a woman is clothes shopping. She has recently lost a significant amount of weight. She had accomplished this by making healthy lifestyle changes. She tries on pants and they are too small. A number of women in this situation might feel insecure and start the cycle of destructive thoughts: 

"I really like these jeans and they don't fit"

"I have been working so hard, I should fit into these!"

"I'm so fat."

"I feel so unattractive."

"I'm so depressed"

"There's no point in trying anymore."

In this cycle of thoughts, one distorted perspective caused a tumbling of damaging thoughts. The woman in the example misrepresented the event and allowed herself to think that she was less of a person for it. This is not a healthy way to think. A person's character is not a reflection of their body type. Weight loss should be considered a journey to healthier living. It should not be measured by what size of hips you have, or how attractive you may perceive yourself.

          Now let’s take a look at this same example and try to modify the thought pattern:

"I really like these jeans and they don't fit"

"I have been working so hard, I should fit into these!"

"Well, I guess I HAVE already lost a lot of weight."

"I do FEEL healthier."

"I’m fine just the way I am."

"I’m sure I can find another pair of jeans I really like."

         

          This cycle took a diffusing turn. In this scenario, the woman reminded herself of what she had already accomplished. She then reassured herself that she was healthier. And finally she asserted that she was ok with her self-image and moved on. This is a healthy way to change thought patterns.

Again, it is NOT easy. It takes constant repetition to create a habit. It also takes the willingness to want to change the way you think. If you truly want to have a healthy view of yourself, you need to accept that you are unique from everyone else. You need to understand that everyone is different and being different makes you who you are. You need to understand that it is your choice to be your own best friend or your own worst enemy or somewhere in between.

Just remember the acronym ARC when it comes to your inner voice

Awareness

Recognition

Change

Mona

"The more man meditates upon good thoughts, the better will be his world and the world at large."

- Confucius